A Blonde's World

Tuesday, November 11th, 2003

8:32 pm - hello friends

wow, i haven't written in a while. well, a lot of peoplw know my lj address so, i have to kinda watch what i am saying. okay, first off, my mom is single. which is good because she isn't w/ my dad, but it's bad because now she flirts w/ guys. well not just "guys" but a guy from MY work. i see him all the time. well me and my mommy and my sister, tamamra were supost to go to d-land..as a FAMILY. well i guess that that wasn't good enough for her bc she invited loren. which wasn't cool. i was so anti it that i invited shanna so i wouldn't be goingcrazy the whole time. and it was a hudge battle trying to get my mom to let her even come, which was even odder. well, i felt completely uncomfortable the whole time. they were flirtting so bad that i had to leave. so shanna and i went to the other end of teh park..(btw i am most like dot from a bug's life and she's most like nala from lion king :-D)so we met back up w/ them and it was weird again. oh well whatcha guna do. basically i delt w/ it and kinda complained to shanna(and anyone else that i talke to on the phone...lol) for the rest of the day.so i talked to her tonight about it and she was undertsanding and stuff and said that she wasn't very intereste in him anyway(well taht's not what she said, but it sure sounds good. so my new job is kinda nice. i get to chill at the theatre all the time. the only thing taht sucks is the long hours. i work a lot of 8 hour shifts, whihc is sad.
okay to the part that all of my friends like the best-the boy part. so there are actually a lot of boys in my life. not all of them i am planning on dating but, there are quite a few of them. okay last night i went out w/ andrew(fish). and it was nice, but i didn't feel anything click. and i felt so bad that he kinda stole a goodnight kiss, cuz i didn;t want to lead him on, cuz that would really suck. so shan came up to me today and was like you have to talk to him because this weekend(we are all going out) a lot of "shit is going to hit the fan" which true, because of a lot of things...so i did. and he acted as though he was chill w/ it, but i don;t know if he was. i told him that i didn't think that i wanted a relationship at all right now, whihc is true.eh, so it was okay i guess. um i get to meet a new boy on friday. his name is kyle and he is friends w/ shan(boy). think hot surfer...hehe...well, my little bubble completely poped today it was so sad. shan mentioned somethign about lauren getting to meet and hook up w/ this kyle boy. so i was like..wait a sec...lauren of all people gets him..wtf! that is not how things were supost to work at all. so it's a bummer and ui don't know what is going to happen...i need some good advice, and a nice push-up bra...

current mood:

aggravated
current music: NFG baby!

(4 comments | comment on this)

Wednesday, October 29th, 2003

10:06 pm - fire day

well, today was a very pleasant day. i woke up and was splendedly surprised to hear that we had no school. i immediately called shannon(bouknight) and drove over to her house. mind you this was at 6:something...then we hung out for a while and painted. then kevin came over and painted too. but i found out that i was able to actually get out of the house and go to teh mall w/ other shannon. which was fun...we went to hollister and also met up w/ some of our other buddies. it was pretty chill. just so you'all know, nothing taht i talked about in my last entree was changed today. i am still utterly confused. so help..

current mood:

flirty

Tuesday, October 28th, 2003

9:29 pm - meh

okay so there's this boy( yes i know that there's always a boy, but this one is new. kinda..) okay so there is this boy, and i am completely confused by him. like, i don;t know what i want. i knwo that i want to be around him, but i don;t think i like him, well i hope that i don't like him. i really do, it would make things into a wholw big mess. i would cry. so i want to know what i shoudl do. should i let my "wall" down and let myself be into him, or should i just you know, hook up...please help me...

ps: i know that this is a stupid topis, but they girls can help me :-D

current mood:

confused

Tuesday, October 14th, 2003

6:44 pm - hola all

well, today was an interesting day to say the least. i woke up and put on the cutest outfit, not realizing that i wore the same one on staurday (exact same!!!) and desided i wanted to be on the TV. i like SNN, but i think that there are much better things that i could be doing w/ my time. you know? so after that i almost feel asleep in my english class, woo hoo botton....meh. anyway, we were doing speeches and no one had good topics, so they lost me. then i went to aerobics and had a loevly chat w/ courtney, as usual. it was just pleasant, ya know? wow, it was pretty, too. so chem was boring and then i went home and took off my one luxury, my nails. i figured out that they were a waste of money and only used because i was being vain and i wanted my nails to be beautiful. meh, then i picked up tara and we went to CJ's and had a bit-to-eat and it was sooo yummy, oh my goodness. so we were really bored after that and went to all the boys houses to see where they were. well, we didn't find them and we THOUGHT that if we waited at lyles house that they would eventually, go there...so we waited in his driveway for about 10 minutes and gave up and went back to school. no fun...but hey, i guess that drama wasn't too bad. i am one of the only people that doesn't want to kill themselves at rehearsal. i actually like it sometimes. have you ever found yourself to be like, almost jealous for like, not reason. well, i had a sad moment like that today and as i said before, it was quite sad. i just wish that things like that never happened you know? i don't want to be mad at my friends for no reason what-so-ever. but it happens, and i am trying to change that. so i hope that all of you had a fantastic day and that you "dream as if you have forever; but, live as if you only have today"- james dean baby!

current mood:

thirsty
current music: thrice....

(3 comments | comment on this)

Sunday, October 12th, 2003

12:25 am - life

life is completely wonderful. like, it is just amazing this gift that God has given us. i am so greatful that i get to have this experience of life. and some of you *coughmikecough* this i am toally crazy for being happy all the time. but, what is there not to be happy about. no matter what God is there and His love is enough to fix everything. it gives me hope, which i always need. so no matter what is goign wrong in your lives, remember that God loves you and that so do i, so everything will be okay :-D

current mood:

optimistic
current music: meagan's voice....

Monday, October 6th, 2003

7:59 pm - wow: if you don't enjoy reading about a teenage girls (meh) life, then stop here... :-/

it has been absolutly forever since i have updated. i am sorry to those of you who actually care what is going on in my life. well, to start it off i would like to announce that if you don't want to read a buncha stuff about me and my personal life, just stop now because i think some detail is in order. well, a lot of interesting things have happened over the past few weeks. the most important and awful is coming to the realization that my parents aren't going to get back together and that they WILL indeed be getting a divorce. i guess i am only upset because i always wanted the perfect little family. my mom, my dad, me, my sis, and my dog, lady. well, things started to go downhill when lady died in december. that was the beginning of my perfect(or so i thought) family being torn apart. ever since then i feel so bad for all of you that have to deal w/ me. i must be one of they most jaded and pecimistic of all your teenage friends. i just want to get back to my little bubble when dev and i were good and my dad was still here and my dog was alive, and i cared about school. i don't understand i guess how my whole little bubble can pop within 6 months. it's quite sad. anyway enough of the sad stuff.. i have desided that i am going to almost give up on boys all together. they are not worth my time. thinking about , i know that all of you can think of much better things to think about. not only do they not understand what you have to say,most of the time, they confuse the heck out of you. there are currently two boys that i am interested in and one of the knows, and i know that he will read this, but i don't care. i feel as if i always have to be near him and talking to him. and no, not in a stalker freaky kinda way. i just love talking to him. he actually challenges my thinking and i think that that is totally fantastic. intelectual convo is a great thing sometimes kiddos! the other boy is well, completely insane, but he's great! he's planning on trying out for the next play and that means he can sing which is a fabulous plus! um, he is so funny that i am never NOT laughing when i am with him. okay, here is my philosophy on buys for all of you...they are accessories. and if you don't know what i mean, here is an explaination: boys are accessories, like bows..meggie, they are wonderful to have and they make you feel pretty, but they are not a necessity.(unless you are meagan or jessica and you like bows a lot, in that case, think of them as...earings) that is how i am trying to think of them in my mind. although i have been thinking about it and i have figured a little something out. i have sepnt the last 10 months alone(w/ not bf) and it has given me soooo much time to figure out who i am and to totally grow with God. i think that after that time and considering my current state of mind, i am finally ready to have a person in my life. and if something doesn't happen w/ either of thye boys, oh well, it wasn't in God's will, but it would be nice...:-D well the play is going well and i am the only person who is actully happy to do it. i actually really love this play. even when i don;t have to, i stay to the end because it makes me so happy to hear those lines being read so nicly by lisa and lyle. i wish i could do that. well, i guess that i will get better, but i hope that it is sooner than lata. i love you all in bunches(sry meg i had to use it) and i hope that you gusy are doind dandily! Always- Felice...;-)

current mood:

flirty
current music: saves the day and thrice

(3 comments | comment on this)

Monday, September 15th, 2003

8:13 pm - wow, i need to update

okay i need to just get a buncha stuff off my chest:
1. okay first off today i was really pissed. there were a few people who were being really disrespectful. it makes me angry when people get upset about staying late for drama when people like me stay every day. EVERY DAY! and it just frustrates me that they used to be me...they should know. but they must have "forgotten" what it feels like to be younger, or second best, whatever the case. the sad past is when it's your friends. my friends were doing this and it made me even more upset. the same thing happened, but it was last semester and it was MUCH later in the semester. we are 4 weeks in and they are mad about staying late. i wonder what will happen w/ dressing rooms. wow
2. the situation is gettin not to hot w/ my daddy. like i guess he and my mommy had lunch today. she didn;t really want to see him, but she cares about what happens to me and TJ. she said that he wanted to come up this wekend and maybe seeing us. the reason he is coming up is for his crap, but i guess TJ and i are here, so why not. it's just makes me mad that he thinks that we are all better and desire to see him, because i don't, well not really. i am really torn on that one. i don't knw if i should even talk to him. i don;t want to but so many people are like " you'll regret it if you don't" so if any of you who know what i should do could tell me, that would be great. i just want it to be back to normal. like when i was little and everything was happy. is that too darn much to ask for?
3. there's this boy. there is always a boy. well, i have known this boy since jr high and considering im a junior, that about 4 years. i like him. and it's one of those crushes that has been in the back of your head for some time, but you don;t realize it. you know? like one day i was with him and it was like *BAM* i knew i liked him. and now ever since it has gotten worse and just made me like him more. i talk to hi all the time. and i mean like everyday for hours. we just get along really well. and i want it to work. but we are both o the rebound. wh knows that could be a good thing, you never knwo i guess. i wish that i did. but it's all in God'sm hands and i have to realize that about all of my problems and stressors.

i have nothing bad to sy about my friends. they have been great. thank you guys who are fortunate to read this....and i hope that things wor out in your favor(cera and meagan, oh and meagan, feel better)

current mood:

pessimistic
current music: new dashboard baby!

Friday, September 5th, 2003

12:06 pm - hey ya'll

okay so i haven't updated in a while, and i really an reluctant to typing up everything that i really want to say. most of you who knwo what's going on can understand that. and if you don't just ask me, i won't mind. anyway i get to go out to lunch w/ cera and christina today(im waiting for xtina to pick me up right now.) so life sucks and i am making life horrible for other people, yet again if you don't know what im talking about ask me. so i can only pray for the best and hope that that whole thing w/ God never giving you more than you can handle thing is true. i would like to publicly apologize to anyone that i might have emotionally damaged in the past few days, you know who you are and i would just like to say that absolutely nothing that i am doing is intentional. thank you all for all of your support and help and i just hope that life gets better.

current mood:

crappy
current music: relient k "sadihawkins day dance"

12:05 pm - hey ya'll

okay so i haven't updated in a while, and i really an reluctant tp typing up everything that i really want to say. most of you who knwo what's going on can understand that. and if you don't just ask me, i won't mind. anyway i get to go out to lunch w/ cera and christina today(im waiting for xtina to pick me up right now.) so life sucks and i am making life horrible for other people, yet again if you don't know what im talking about ask me. so i can only pray for the best and hope that that whole thing w/ God never giving you more than you can handle thing is true. i would like to publicly appologise to anyone that i might have emotionally damaged in the past few days, you know who you are and i would just like to say that absolutly nothing that i am doing is intentional. thank you all for all of your support and help and i just hope that life gets better.

current mood:

crappy
current music: relient k "sadihawkins day dance"

12:05 pm - hey ya'll

crappy
current music: relient k "sadihawkins day dance"

Monday, August 25th, 2003

3:09 pm - lunch

i hate/love my open periods. it's time for me to just relax and do nothing, which is nice; but, i get so bored. like today, i was all excited about going to myaunts house to go lay out and so i get into my swimmingsuit and i bring my towel ouside and lay down and then im like nah, it's too hot. so now i a online and it's too damn boring cuz none of you good people are online. which is sad...so i think that i am going to start going to the gym on my break, it's a lot of time and i need to go...yeah..that's what i'll do. so yeah life is interesting right now, um, i'll get back to yo when this et leveled out.

current mood:

bored
current music: the all american rejects "last song"

Saturday, August 23rd, 2003

8:51 am - MORP!

wow, this week was...um...interesting. first of all being sick on the first week of school is about the suckiest thing in the entire world. i am probably already behind. thgat drives me crazy too. well, what can you do? nada. so lisa and i went to the morp last night. we spend at least 2 hours getting ready and stuff. we went eighties. it was soooo GREAT! then, the dance....it was soooo great...sigh. okay so as soon as we get there i have jessica ruiz comin up to me and telling me that there are 3 boys look for me and lisa...which sounded like an ego buster-kinda. so we found sean, max and david chilled w/ them for a while. then, i was stolen by the evil hermelin...(dun dun dun) he tried to dance w/ me and it was kinda scary...i don't that boy. so i say, "chris, i can't leave my buds" and he's all like "okay i'll come by later" so then i was like "okay". Then i think we started dancing, it was like me meagan, jessica and lisa. the boys didn;t want to. then we all went for keraoke, which was fun. okay now gettin to the stuff my girls wil "awww" over, but the be like "eh" later. so then my favorite song came on(how perfect, if you're not the one, daniel bedingfeild) i love this song mind you, the slow version. so, we dance...and it's nice. but, i'm wearing these two bracelets and they get connected when my arms are around him neck. how sad is that. our first slow dance ever and i get connected at the wrist. leave it to me, hoestly. but it didn;t matter(even though it bothered me the whole time). and then there was like this one moment...it was happy...anyway, so then we stand around and talk and what not for a while and chill. so magicaly 3 hous later, it's time to go home. so of course(thanks to pj's manipulating) i drive him home. no nothing happened in the car you dirty people. but, he held me hand on the way to the car, and it was...swell....tehe. you know. so today i have to work and go to the guild, but if neone is doing something late tonight tell me, i'll be bored after 10. lata

current mood:

optimistic
current music: leAnn Rimes "live goes on"

Friday, August 15th, 2003

11:27 pm - fun stuff

today was unexpectedly good. work wasn't too bad and considering that i got 50 dollars in tips by the end of the day i was on cloud 9. than i got the joy of wrestling with pj and tom to be able to hang out with davie. needless to say pj, kyle, and tom ate without him, and no, not in any way whatsoever did i discourage david from going, cause i'm not like that. than for once david and i actually had conversation in person since we confess our fondness of one another. it went well...until... dooley found us. *sigh* than it was work time. dooley made us put up all these borders and stuff and i'm not even in choir! i'm getting sucked into the vaccuum: the dooley vaccuum. seriously, i literally had to sneak out of that room. after that i went home and fell asleep, opps! i slept until i heard my phone ringing at about 6:25. my good old buddy shannon telling me i was suppose to be at her house already.after i got to shan's we totally jetted to coc to see hannah's show. which was good by the way. while shan and i were there we met up with jeremy, paul, and lyle. it was cool to see paul, i hadn't seen him in awhile. after the show me, shan, and david troidl went to red robin after the show. which was ok, than we went to go pick up adam. we went out for ice cream and totally just chilled out, it was really fun. we were driving around it my little ford escort when we decided to go visit nathan ( and shannon and kelley) at the theater. i was looking into one of the windows and adam came up behind me and totally bonked me head into it. so i stole his hat to cover up my bump. and he did the chillist thing in the world and gave it to me. i'm sure you'll see it later. so now i'm at home with shan and i find out that my name came up quite a lot this evening at pj's house... by the way guys i want to see that tape. so i guess this day went a lot better than i thought it was going to and i hope that tomorrow reciprocates.

current mood:

ditzy

Wednesday, August 13th, 2003

3:39 pm - more boy crap...

okay so i have been recieving a lot of help from all of you guys who seem to care a lot about me and this boy.(i don;t know why i don;t use him name...huh.) and i love that all of you have given some advice. here are some things that i am now going to try(in jessica language):liltastysachs: Well, I think Davie would never break your heart...he just isnt like that. and I think that if something were to happen, that it would be good for both of you. cuz davie likes you a lot and you like him. and he needs a new girl, cuz hes last one-was crazy. and you need a new boy, cuz from the stories I heard from you, things ended badly with him. and sometimes all you need is to move on and it will mend all wounds.-and so I think that you should go for it with davie...I mean, not to fast or anything...just take it slow and talk to him about how you dont want to get hurt like last time. and I know davie will understand. But just think about the hillary duff song, " why not, take a crazy chance!If you loose the moment, you may loose a lot, so why not, why not!"- lol, I am a dork. but I just really think you guys could help eachother, and that it would be perfectly find in the end.
so thank you and i hope that eveything works out for the good i the end.

current mood:

flirty
current music: um...something from brand new

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

2:35 pm - today....

Ok, so today was, umm...interesting to say the least. it turns out that the boy not only knew that i was interested in him, but that he knew that i was into him before he was into me. which is so sad, cause i thought i knew EVERYTHING! right now im very torn between my thoughts and feelings, and those of u who know me, know y. however, i really really like him, i was so giddy when i found out that he liked me. *le sigh* But, then there is that part of me that is so reluctant to even get involved in any type of relationship what-so-ever. i have had my heart severly broken before and i am really on the defense, i really dont want that to happen again. And, there is the fact that its not a random guy from some other school. Hes a good friend of mine, and that complicated things ever more because i do NOT want to lose that, ever. First and foremost, i want to be his friend, even if i become more eventually or ever. So, whoever is reading this, dont think i am crazy or anything, but please call me if u got any advice for me. (even if u r THE boy *wink wink*)

current mood:

and thoughtful (which is bad)
current music: Paper Heart, by All American Rejects

(8 comments | comment on this)

Monday, August 11th, 2003

9:05 pm - boys...

you know what i havce figured out. life is like too complicated. once you find something out that is totally cool, then you start thinking about all the evil crap that came come from it. which sucks btw. okay so i like this boy right. and i find out that he lieks me...but now i am overthinking it instead of being happy and ruining it in my mind...if you have any sugestions, call me...18182717942

current mood:

ecstatic

(4 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, August 9th, 2003

5:02 pm - camp....*sigh*

as much as it sucked from being away from all of you (aka shannon) camp was really great! right off the bat, first night, i meet this boy, jesse...*sigh* ( p.s. shannon is great!) on the first night, it was like we were the only 2 people in our group, and it was wonderful...than day 2 came along. there was this girl named rachel, who basically tired to compete against me for jesse. she would do stupid things like hanging all over him and looking at me at the same time...( shannon would never do anything like that!) so basically jesse was being fought for all week...until... kevin came along. now until today kevin had know idea that i was romantically interested in him. he was hillarious and slowly but surely won my heart. as you all know, my perfect type is the blonde hair, blue eyed, hottie with a body! ok, so basically kevin has strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and a very nice "physique". ( shannon is sexy) so i made the lovely choice too inform hannah of this discovery of mine.so being big bold hannah she told me to talk to him about dating. but me being...me(the unapproaching shy self with boys~unlike shannon~) i wasn't willing to go that far. so last night i wrote him a note about maybe seeing him again (after camp). it took me all the courage in the world to hand him that note today. the only bummer is that he will be attending ucsb in the fall. so who knows where that is going. as far as the other boy goes, i know you all want to know, nothing happened besides a really great friendship. ( kinda like shannon's) i stopped competing and everything kinda fell into place. besides he'll be attending college in san diego in the fall. ( i am so glad shannon isn't going that far away) hannah and lyle weren't too bad, but a couple of times i had to leave, which is understandable. i miss all of you (especially shannon) so call me and we'll get together one day this week
p.s. shannon did NOT type this!

current mood:

anxious
current music: les miserables

Sunday, July 27th, 2003

9:30 pm - vacation

i am going on a vacation this week. i am going to die. litterally. if you know my family stories you will empithize w/ me. i leave in the morning so if any of you have carepackages for me, then, that's too bad....but very nice of you . tehe. okay so i am going and it is going to be sad. here is my cell # 1818 271 7942, you can call me all week. and if tis is shannon, i want to chill w/ you on saturday night if you're not too tired. i miss you!!! i will miss you all. call me if you wanna chill on friday night!! i'll be up tonight late!!! it's like 930 now. nighty night.